Raze’s blog

It is my weekend (Sunday - Monday) and the day is pleasantly warm but not hot, with some sun and some clouds, and everything is green due to it raining last night.  I woke up early and went to the gym this morning and possibly pulled my hamstring... we'll see how it feels throughout the day. 

It's perfect weather to go outside and hike; not too hot, not too dry.  I think I'll do that tomorrow.  Today is reserved for loafing, cleaning, and playing Age of Conan.  I should hit level 39 soon, and I plan to hit 40 by tonight.  Then I just have to grind grind grind until I can afford a horse.  Awesome.

Also this weekend I will start working on my Valkyrie/Valeria hallowe'en costume.  My Jadis costume wasn't bad, but nobody knew what it was and it wasn't as good as it could have been.  This one will be much more recognizable.  And probably smexier, too *wink wink*.

In other news, there is a possibility that Marcel will move back here this winter, as Takhini Transport has promised him another bus driver's job.  We'll see, I may see the viking ninja pirate again!

I've officially been in the Yukon Territory for a year, but I still haven't gotten used to the weather patterns.  Two weeks ago the temperature was pushing 30 degrees, yet it still managed to snow yesterday. 

The crocuses have stopped blooming, but the lupins, dandelions, buttercups, and various other pink and blue flowers I have yet to identify are all out now.  The wild roses have leaves, and I'm told that they'll soon bloom as well.

April and Dave had their baby; I sewed a plush sword for him with his name stitched in runes.  It will likely be destroyed by slobber or cats before he's ever old enough to remember or appreciate it but that's okay.  I gave him his first sword :)

Marcel is, according to his last email, enjoying Trail and making $300 a day hiking and picking mushrooms.  He isn't sure what his plans are; he says he may just stay and make money for a while.  I sure do miss that man.

I have $2500 saved up towards my mortgage.  I saw an ad for a really cute trailer for $65,000 that has a soaker tub and a nice layout.  I also saw an ad for a PERFECT trailer on an actual YARD (as opposed to the normal gravel lot) but it was $125,000.  The first one is more within my grasp.  I'm not planning to seriously look until September, but I am keeping an eye on the market to get an idea of what I can get within my price range.  By September I plan to have $5000 and I'll keep saving until something comes my way, plus my parents have offered to loan me money towards real estate.  No more paying rent!

Anyways, in short, life is going well.  Steven gave me a lesson in his car yesterday... I've got to get a drivers license and a car if I move farther out of town, and while his car is stick shift it is also the only one available for me to use so I'm learning stick.  Which I wanted to do anyways.

Later. 

Marcel left for Skagway on Wednesday morning.  There were tears and hugs and I snapped a photo of him with his two backpacks on as he left...  I'm really alright; I did know right from the beginning that Marcel would be leaving with the first good, spring weather.  But my evenings do drag a bit more now...  I no longer have anybody greet me when I come home, dinner isn't made, and intelligent conversation is a thing of the past. 

I spent today trying to keep busy and trying to make time fly.  I cleaned the house, cleaned the closets, and felt tears in my eyes as I folded and put away the few things Marcel left behind.  It was a productive day; I changed some of the pictures on the walls and I sorted out the pantry.  Then I made two loaves of bread, left them to rise, and settled onto my bed to watch First Blood.

The days are just so long when you're single and alone.  I like my space, but it's still going to take a little while to get used to the alone-ness...  I say Alone-ness and not loneliness because I'm really not LONELY.  I'm just still used to having somebody to chat with or snuggle up and watch a movie with or cook with...

I have gotten three emails from Marcel so far; he got to Skagway Wednesday evening, spent Thursday hiking around (falling into snow!) and took the ferry to Prince Rupert Friday morning.  He should have gotten there Saturday evening...

I'm glad I met him.  Even though I'll never see him again, he was and is a good friend.  Good luck, Marcel.

It's April 16th and today we got hit with a whiteout blizzard.  The winter build up of snow had nearly all melted, the ice on the river has long since broken up, and now it's all under a blanket of white stuff again.

Interestingly, this is the first time since moving here that the snow has been of the wet, packable variety.  It's normally powder.  Oh, what I would give for a yard and therefore a snowman!

How are things in  your neck of the woods?

I quite often surprise people by telling them that I have tattoos.  In fact, just last week a coworker of mine asked me about my upcoming trip to Langley, and I told her that I am getting a tattoo, which prompted a wide-eyed "Why?"  So I had to inform her that I already have four pieces, so this isn't really a shocking thing for me to do.

I suppose I don't come off as the tattoo type.  Perhaps this is one of the reasons body modification interests me so much.

Why do I have tattoos?  Self expression.

I am a creative soul, but not a terribly GIFTED creative soul.  I can sculpt and I can draw, but not overwhelmingly well.  Paint does not like me.  I love/live/breathe music, yet I was cursed to be born tone deaf and so I cannot express myself through sound.  I have a million stories in my head and fragments of verse but I lack the ability to put them together cohesively.  I also can't dance worth shit.

Modifying my body is the one form of expression that anybody can do and that nobody can take from me.  With the exception of my vegvisir and my upcoming knotwork, I have had a hand in designing all my pieces; they are uniquely mine.  Each piece of art in my skin is a piece of my inner soul, and outward expression of a philosophy or idea that I hold dear.  I can't sing it and i can't sculpt it, but I can wear it and make it mine.

It is also a form of self exploration.  I have no fear of self inflicted pain, and have learned a great deal about my body, how it heals, how to care for it, what it can do, through self inflicted pain.  Excersizing to exhaustion, fasting, tattooing, stretching piercings, healing burns and cuts, I've done it all.  I have done it very discreetly; I have no lasting scars and my body has never been healthier or more fit (well, maybe it was more muscled a year and a half ago). 

I know myself possibly better than most people know themselves.  And I seek to express this self knowledge through my body. 

I wonder if this makes any sense to others.

Approximately three years ago, my life felt like shit and suddenly I had a bright, glowing goal set in my mind:  I would travel to Australia for a year.  A friend asked me not to... and my enthusiasm waned... and eventually I was convinced to move to Whitehorse instead.

In the last couple of months, the urge to travel has really hit me hard again.  I was considering Alberta; working my way across this great country would be an amazing experience.

But then Australia tickled my fancy again.  New Zealand is also a very tempting location.  All I know is that I want to see the world before I decide once and for all that the Yukon is my home.

I've just gotten a promotion and a raise at work, meaning that saving up for any possible future won't be QUITE as difficult as once thought.  I plan to be able to save $400 a month; if I'm very lucky (depending on what my paycheques actually work out to, and overtime, and bills) I may be able to save more. 

But now that I have a goal in place, my life is starting to fit around it.  A promotion?  A raise?  I'm finally living somewhere that appreciates me!

I'm itching to see it all come together.

I have never been as happy as I have been these last several months.  I am mine.  I am alive.  I am free.

I've been puzzling over the question, "Where to next?" in my mind for the last several weeks.  Marcel will be leaving the country on April first, Adria is considering moving back to the Vancouver area, and that sums it up for my reasons to stay here in Whitehorse.

Whitehorse is a beautiful city, with spectacular views, ice rainbows, friendly people, and good transit.  As a bonus, I have a solid, 40 hour/week job making $13 an hour with full medical and dental benefits.  But something is missing.

Perhaps it's because my best friends kicked me out of the house and turned their backs on me.  It could be the thought of running into their happy family again that's got me feeling edgy and out of place.

Or it could just be wanderlust, itchy feet calling me to the road.  I have lived in Canada for almost a quarter century and have only seen a tiny fraction of the western third of it. 

I considered moving to Banff for the summer, making some money, then moving onward... but a quick google search revealed that it would be difficult for me to make more than Alberta's $8.00/hour minimum wage there.

Of course, if I really wanted to, I could easily move to any major city with a Petsmart and get that job back.  $11.77/hour was my previous wage.  But do I really want to do that again?  Was my anger and frustration in life caused by that soulless job, or was it brought about by the suggestions of my former friends?  I do not know.

I would love to live in every province of this country (the other two territories hold no interest for me) but I also want to travel abroad.  New Zealand, Australia, and Iceland are places I'd love to see. 

Money is a problem.  I could possibly save more of it if I spent the summer here in Whitehorse.  But that means also spending another winter here, and I do not want to do that. 

Input?  Advice?  Probably not.  I'm a Taurus.  I just need to pick a direction and I'll be unstoppable...

I took advantage of a rare moment of sunlight to play with my camera, and this was the result.  My hair isn't QUITE as 70's shaggy as it looks; it's just partially wet and unbrushed in this photo.  But it is heavily layered around my face.  Yes, I've started occasionally wearing skirts, and yes that is my trusty Mjollnir pendant around my neck. 

Five minutes after taking this photo, the sun disappeared behind the mountains.  Talk about timing.

I finally finished my Jadis costume in time for Hallowe'en.  I should have had a longer dress, and I should have had a chain maille skirt overtop of it, but c'mon.  Considering nobody even knew what my costume was supposed to be, all the extra effort and expense would have been wasted. 

Jadiscostume.jpg

It's been snowing here since September, and by late October it was staying cold enough during the days to stick.  It hasn't actually snowed in a few weeks, but the river is getting ice on it and the smaller lakes are frozen solid.

I am moving in a day or so into a new apartment, due to a minor argument with a room mate that lead to him ending a four year friendship and evicting me... I can't help but feel this is all part of some newer, better beginning for me.  So many doors have opened and I just can't choose which one to walk through.

The first thing on my list of things to do when I'm unpacked is to start two new batches of mead.  I am going to do another small, one gallon jug and add birch syrup as an experiment... and I'm going to do one large, 5-gallon batch of... probably regular mead, but I'll also use up the last of my buckwheat honey as well as my regular clover honey.  If you have any ideas to make it extra tasty, please let me know.  Would mulled cider spices work well?  I really fancy trying them out.

In other news, if you're anything of a Nine Inch Nails fan, listen to http://badgods.com/audio/nineinchnoels.mp3 you must!

Yesterday was the first time in about a year that I picked up a sword and had a couple of sparring matches.  I sparred, then I had some archery practice, then I sparred some more... This morning, my arms and shoulders felt sore and stiff from unaccustomed impact.  But, I've been on an emotional high lately, so I decided to work out anyways.  I did 500 crunches/sit ups, rested a bit, then went to the basement for some weights.  I only did quad and pectoral excersizes.  I am not in very good shape, muscle-wise, so I started with a low weight:  15 lbs on each side of the barbell for bench presses.  I added 2.5lbs to each side after each set... I got to 25lbs on each side before my arms started to fail.  I'll likely head down there a few more times during the day just to force my muscles to tear:  The last time I did a workout similar to this, my arms felt like rubber, but I didn't even feel sore the next day.  Which means I did nothing.  This time, I want to be in PAIN tomorrow. 

I'm enjoying a natural high, the endorphine rush of lifting weights (the fact it isn't heavy is irrelevant since I'm so weak right now).  My ears are ringing and my head is light because of the blood rushing to my arms and legs. 

Pure joy. 

I need to get back into weight lifting again.  I was in such good shape last year.  Last summer, I was at 150lbs, with more muscle and less fat than today (I am hovering around 141 lately).  I used to suffer from various eating disorders, and the workouts really helped me focus myself towards health and healthy gains.

I tried to get into workouts again after my brother moved up here, but then a nasty cold bug hit me and I couldn't do it... the muscle I'd started to regain quickly disappeared.  But if I can get back into it now, perhaps I can have my body back to a toned, fit state by Yule.

Speaking of Yule, none of the local apiaries have any honey for sale.  There will be a distressing lack of mead.  Perhaps I'll brew some ale instead.